If I can't get to where I'm going, where do I go?
If people can't see me and don't know who I am, where do I go?
If I am alone, who will be with me?
Just stop and Listen...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Save Me Now
If I can't get to where I'm going, where do I go?
If people can't see me and don't know who I am, where do I go?
If I am alone, who will be with me?
Just stop and Listen...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
What it means to be single...
If there wasn't anymore ways to categorize and compartmentalize single women. I recently read an article from marieclaire.com titled The 12 Categories of Single Women The article based on a book Seeking Happily Ever After: Navigating the Ups and Downs of Being Single Without Losing Your Mind (and Finding Lasting Love Along the Way) by Michelle Cove.
I almost gagged upon reading the title but realized there was some scientific analysis involved, which made it slightly tolerable. The article sums up the book by pin pointing 12 categories Cove found during her extensive research. (View the 12 categories here) After examining these details and doing my assessment of myself in comparison to these categories, I began to realize, how much time do I spend trying to adjust and classify my own relationships to fit these best selling novelists theories?
Society has already seen and swooned over Sex in the city, and other movies and books like the ever engaging Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus. Movies and books that are translatable to the ordinary general population makes for an instant cash cow. I think we (women especially) are all trying to find sympathy for our misfortunes and downfalls. Being able to read about someone going through the same trials and tribulations makes for a great audience. It can make us feel like we aren't alone, that there is a Carrie Bradshaw in all of us. If Carrie can marry Mr Big in the happily ever after ending, then so can I. But how jaded is that idea for any independent, strong, intelligent women of the 21st century to resort to?!?
Don't get me wrong... I'm not against the "happily ever after" ending. And I'm not against books or movies that promote "happily ever after" endings or even the cynical and opposing views. But I am trying discover a happy middle road or at least some peace of mind.
I almost gagged upon reading the title but realized there was some scientific analysis involved, which made it slightly tolerable. The article sums up the book by pin pointing 12 categories Cove found during her extensive research. (View the 12 categories here) After examining these details and doing my assessment of myself in comparison to these categories, I began to realize, how much time do I spend trying to adjust and classify my own relationships to fit these best selling novelists theories?
Society has already seen and swooned over Sex in the city, and other movies and books like the ever engaging Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus. Movies and books that are translatable to the ordinary general population makes for an instant cash cow. I think we (women especially) are all trying to find sympathy for our misfortunes and downfalls. Being able to read about someone going through the same trials and tribulations makes for a great audience. It can make us feel like we aren't alone, that there is a Carrie Bradshaw in all of us. If Carrie can marry Mr Big in the happily ever after ending, then so can I. But how jaded is that idea for any independent, strong, intelligent women of the 21st century to resort to?!?
Don't get me wrong... I'm not against the "happily ever after" ending. And I'm not against books or movies that promote "happily ever after" endings or even the cynical and opposing views. But I am trying discover a happy middle road or at least some peace of mind.
My Life as a Revolving Door
If revolving doors were meant to ease foot traffic in a highly populated building, them my life would resemble one.
Imagine that your life is this is 7 story high rise each floor representing each phase of your life: 1st floor is childhood then 5th floor would be your first time getting to third base. Hence, the doorway to your life would be the magnificent, yet not so climatic, revolving door. Its the doorway or gateway, in which people, such as friends, boyfriends, lovers, come walking out as fast as they came walking in.
I guess I am using a revolving door to symbolize the part of my life that seems progressively unstable and open for much pain. Currently my revolving door, doesn't have a doorman to filter out the riffraff.
For me, the eternal optimist, I can't help but be curious about every person I meet. Its like in elementary school; to me everyone starts at with an A, and every time you make a mistake or offend me that person gets deducted a letter grade. In all fairness, it theoretically seems to work, but if your are trying to screen and filter consistent offenders it might not be a good tactic.
Is that theory completely wrong??
Friday, August 6, 2010
Analyzing Relationships Part 2 - "Must have's" that my ideal soulmate would have.
I started writing part 2 almost one year ago, 9/2009. I've been doing some serious soul searching since then. And in true analytical virgo fashion, my own self analysis of my dating processes has come alive. I started analyzing relationships just to help me figure out what I'm doing wrong. Now I think it time to turn the other cheek and see if from a different light.
A Before and After Analysis
BEFORE
A good friend told me "you gotta put yourself OUT there", for people to see.
Ok so what does that really mean?
I mean my usual plan: Happy Hour! Notorious as the social mecca for business men and women. A gap of time where its financially cheap and cost effective for drink binging...Happy hour! I found that that span of time was more trouble then it seemed. I had a Happy hour plan. I sat there smiled a whole bunch. Drink a fancy martini, or try the bar's fancy concoctions and wait for unassuming prey. Whether it was the bartender or the next guy that walks in, they had to be somewhat good looking. Now isn't that a great plan for "putting yourself out there"?
One things for sure I haven't been successful in finding anyone.
All traditional tactics have gone out the door. So it true, perhaps the one person "right" for me might be under my nose?
AFTER
Understanding my "must haves" List:
Must haves- chemistry, communicator, sense of humor, strong character, patience, conflict resolver, affectionate, intellect, self confident, adaptability, kindness, tolerant, loyal attractive.
Values- family life, autonomy, shared interests, sociability, staying in, spiritual acceptance, responsible, sexually passionate.
Ok, so i REALLY like making lists. I guess it helps me compartamentalize what I want, and I put a tangible list to what only imagination can make up. But I am soon realizing that I can't make lists in regards to love.
Why can't there be a build-a-bear for men?
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dating! Oh the complicated online web we weave...
As the first month of 2010 whizzed right past me. And I've learned this so far:
*cut out fake relationship
via CNN Its a MUST read..
*when walking with someone, its OK to walk around the pole in order to NOT break the bond. Who says superstitions are phony?!!
*Go with the gut. It works!
*"He's just not that into you", really DOES mean he's just NOT that into you...
*cut out fake relationship
via CNN Its a MUST read..
*when walking with someone, its OK to walk around the pole in order to NOT break the bond. Who says superstitions are phony?!!
*Go with the gut. It works!
*"He's just not that into you", really DOES mean he's just NOT that into you...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Ending the new year...
It's 12/31/2009...new years eve. This entry is very retrospective. I started writing this blog, because a very very good friend of mine suggested that writing down thoughts and ideas, would help me sort through them. So upon looking over the last year documented on this blog, I feel that its only right to give a "lessons learned" entry. The blog has helped me realize where I've been and where I'm going. And I hope that I might find the next year filled with some new adventures.
I feel that all the crazy encounters, gut busting defeats, and glimmers of hope, 2009 was without a doubt a miracle. A miracle that I survived it all. Take for example, my ongoing analysis and in depth interpretations of dating. Being in the later part of my 20's, dating only seemed to get harder. I longed for those days were puppy love was carefree and magical. The days were 2 people can go merrily and unknowingly be in love. Now, I know that it won't ever be the same way. I believe that every dating encounter I had in 2009 taught me something very valuable- relationships are inherently a need everyone seeks in life. But its about finding the right one that is the challenge.
In 2009, I adopted a term that explained a lot of the men I seemingly was dating: Unavailable Available Men. This was a term I used to categorize and compartmentalize a group of men that have walked in and out of my life. In all, these men were emotionally unavailable, at least with me. Seemingly and secretively not invested in emotional ties or intimate relationship growth. I've learned he's just not that into me.
And so, these types of men were darting in and out of most of 2009. Then life throws you a curve ball- an old crush from my childhood emerges 12 years later. This encounter was overwhelmingly awesome and at the same time toxic and empty. I learned that you can almost fall in love with someone and have that same person never love you back. It was like being on the verge of greatness, and then find out you were the only one having that fantasy. Many told me that he never deserved me, and they are right. I learned I was quick to want to fall in love. So blinded by wanting a relationship, that I would have one with a no-good, lying, heartless person. Cursed by wanting love. I'm glad it ended. Its best this way, to learn that I should more careful with my heart.
However, 2009 wasn't without great accomplishments and bold risk taking moves on my part. I moved out of my parents house. I found out quickly that independence is like a drug. You must be careful before you dig yourself into a hole that you can't climb out of. I don't regret a minute of my decision. It actually made me feel more empowered and stronger. The feeling to make it on your own made it all worth it. And coming with this new independence, came a strong core of friends. I found that my closest friends were those who didn't hesitate to lend a helping hand. I realized that I didn't have to go at this alone, and I found true friendships. I'm so grateful for those friends, I couldn't make it through 2009 without you!
Although, 2009 changed me and broke me down, I would have to say my biggest accomplishment/gain was my family. 2009 was all about family for me and I am so grateful for that. I have never been so close to my family (on both sides) until 2009. The moment that changed it all, was the death of my grandma Lucille. Her death was so significant in our family. Her death resurrected our family. It seems unfortunate to have someone die before we can appreciate one another, but I feel like it was a pivotal point in the lives of my entire family. I feel like I have a family that's stronger in ties then ever before. Her death revived our family, I hope that she can see us from heaven and she can rest in peace.
Finally, 2009 for me is over. I've made my peace with all the changes and disappointments. But I am also happy with all the accomplishments. 2009 for me is most definitely a miracle. I wonder what's in store for me in 2010?
I feel that all the crazy encounters, gut busting defeats, and glimmers of hope, 2009 was without a doubt a miracle. A miracle that I survived it all. Take for example, my ongoing analysis and in depth interpretations of dating. Being in the later part of my 20's, dating only seemed to get harder. I longed for those days were puppy love was carefree and magical. The days were 2 people can go merrily and unknowingly be in love. Now, I know that it won't ever be the same way. I believe that every dating encounter I had in 2009 taught me something very valuable- relationships are inherently a need everyone seeks in life. But its about finding the right one that is the challenge.
In 2009, I adopted a term that explained a lot of the men I seemingly was dating: Unavailable Available Men. This was a term I used to categorize and compartmentalize a group of men that have walked in and out of my life. In all, these men were emotionally unavailable, at least with me. Seemingly and secretively not invested in emotional ties or intimate relationship growth. I've learned he's just not that into me.
And so, these types of men were darting in and out of most of 2009. Then life throws you a curve ball- an old crush from my childhood emerges 12 years later. This encounter was overwhelmingly awesome and at the same time toxic and empty. I learned that you can almost fall in love with someone and have that same person never love you back. It was like being on the verge of greatness, and then find out you were the only one having that fantasy. Many told me that he never deserved me, and they are right. I learned I was quick to want to fall in love. So blinded by wanting a relationship, that I would have one with a no-good, lying, heartless person. Cursed by wanting love. I'm glad it ended. Its best this way, to learn that I should more careful with my heart.
However, 2009 wasn't without great accomplishments and bold risk taking moves on my part. I moved out of my parents house. I found out quickly that independence is like a drug. You must be careful before you dig yourself into a hole that you can't climb out of. I don't regret a minute of my decision. It actually made me feel more empowered and stronger. The feeling to make it on your own made it all worth it. And coming with this new independence, came a strong core of friends. I found that my closest friends were those who didn't hesitate to lend a helping hand. I realized that I didn't have to go at this alone, and I found true friendships. I'm so grateful for those friends, I couldn't make it through 2009 without you!
Although, 2009 changed me and broke me down, I would have to say my biggest accomplishment/gain was my family. 2009 was all about family for me and I am so grateful for that. I have never been so close to my family (on both sides) until 2009. The moment that changed it all, was the death of my grandma Lucille. Her death was so significant in our family. Her death resurrected our family. It seems unfortunate to have someone die before we can appreciate one another, but I feel like it was a pivotal point in the lives of my entire family. I feel like I have a family that's stronger in ties then ever before. Her death revived our family, I hope that she can see us from heaven and she can rest in peace.
Finally, 2009 for me is over. I've made my peace with all the changes and disappointments. But I am also happy with all the accomplishments. 2009 for me is most definitely a miracle. I wonder what's in store for me in 2010?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Feels Good
I listened to this song and it put a huge smile on my face. I am dedicating this to a close friend of mine. The Good life is about confidence in yourself. Keep your head up!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Analyzing Relationships Part 1
me: no no
2:23 PM i mean..it just makes me realize that
2:24 PM im scared
marissa: of what?
me: im scared of serious relationship, even talking about serious relationships
im scared of liking someone
im scared of being vulnerable
2:25 PM i mean gordon is a good guy
but i think its too much too fast
and that makes me want to run away
2:26 PM marissa: ....and that my friend is how you would have let him down easy...exactly what you just said
that is true honesty, and no guy can argue that
2:27 PM not to be bias or anything, but that, I think, is what gordon deserved to hear from you rather than leaving him for 20 so minutes (w/ Lorly ;-))
2:28 PM me: i guess so
do u remeber when i told u i had a dream about my hair falling out
2:29 PM marissa: hmmm...refresh my memory
me: so a feew months ago i had a dream about my hair falling out
and when i looked up the meanin
2:30 PM it said that it means there is a relationship that is putting a strain on u
i don't usually believe it sometimes but i can't help that maybe gordon was that strain
2:31 PM marissa: ...and that's fine that you felt that way
it was also fine that you didn't want to continue seeing him
2:32 PM at least u were being honest with yourself
2:33 PM me: i think i am so scared and hesitant these days
2:34 PM marissa: you and mean both!
you and me both!
2:36 PM me: u know i get more and more hesitant these days
2:38 PM marissa: however, i keep reminding myself to take it day by day
me: im only confusing my self more and more with the type of guy that im attracted to
2:39 PM marissa: ...i think the moment i start to feel scared...i need to ask myself how come, and then think about whether if it's really that "bad"?
it's like the first time jumping into the deep end of the pool...
2:40 PM me: ihope this doesn't sound really conceited
2:41 PM but i think i need to make a list of all the guys that i dated or liked me and make a list
2:42 PM marissa: did you ever get t read the list of must haves and can't stands?
what would your list consist of?
me: no but i think im going to have to do taht list
2:23 PM i mean..it just makes me realize that
2:24 PM im scared
marissa: of what?
me: im scared of serious relationship, even talking about serious relationships
im scared of liking someone
im scared of being vulnerable
2:25 PM i mean gordon is a good guy
but i think its too much too fast
and that makes me want to run away
2:26 PM marissa: ....and that my friend is how you would have let him down easy...exactly what you just said
that is true honesty, and no guy can argue that
2:27 PM not to be bias or anything, but that, I think, is what gordon deserved to hear from you rather than leaving him for 20 so minutes (w/ Lorly ;-))
2:28 PM me: i guess so
do u remeber when i told u i had a dream about my hair falling out
2:29 PM marissa: hmmm...refresh my memory
me: so a feew months ago i had a dream about my hair falling out
and when i looked up the meanin
2:30 PM it said that it means there is a relationship that is putting a strain on u
i don't usually believe it sometimes but i can't help that maybe gordon was that strain
2:31 PM marissa: ...and that's fine that you felt that way
it was also fine that you didn't want to continue seeing him
2:32 PM at least u were being honest with yourself
2:33 PM me: i think i am so scared and hesitant these days
2:34 PM marissa: you and mean both!
you and me both!
2:36 PM me: u know i get more and more hesitant these days
2:38 PM marissa: however, i keep reminding myself to take it day by day
me: im only confusing my self more and more with the type of guy that im attracted to
2:39 PM marissa: ...i think the moment i start to feel scared...i need to ask myself how come, and then think about whether if it's really that "bad"?
it's like the first time jumping into the deep end of the pool...
2:40 PM me: ihope this doesn't sound really conceited
2:41 PM but i think i need to make a list of all the guys that i dated or liked me and make a list
2:42 PM marissa: did you ever get t read the list of must haves and can't stands?
what would your list consist of?
me: no but i think im going to have to do taht list
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